the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
