It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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