i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
