she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
