A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
