If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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