Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
