I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
