I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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