"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
