I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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