Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
