i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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