people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
