you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
