So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
