this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
