i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
