I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He? As in you personified your dick?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
