Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
