Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
