I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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