i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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