I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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