I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
