It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm going to jail i love you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
