it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
