I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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