I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
