WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
