Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
