Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
