somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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