I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
