Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
