I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
