omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
