Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
