I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
