Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
