he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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