oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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