you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
