you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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