i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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