those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
