I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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