People in love make me want to vomit
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i came on her dog
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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