getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
