do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
