I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
