I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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